It has officially been a long time since I have updated our blog! Usually it is because there hasn't been anything new going on. However, this time the problem lies more within me, rather than a lack of activity. We have gone camping, celebrated Nana Great's 80th birthday, traveled to Seattle, traveled to Ashland, gone on an airplane ride, lost Kyla's favorite stuffed animal E-E, found him again, and even worked on a couple house projects.
I think lately that my motivation to update the blog has ben clouded by my lack of motivation to be a mom and a wife. Lately life seems to feel overwhelming on many levels, emotional most days, and apathetic towards the daily tasks of cleaning house and making meals. I would like to attribute (or blame) it on being pregnant, on my husband's long hours of work as a Resident, or on my whiny and sassy two year old, but it just doesn't seem fair.
A couple weeks ago after visiting with some friends, I came away wanting to reevaluate my expectations and try to rethink and re-motivate my purpose and role I play for my family. After trying to look at how other moms' stay motivated in the kitchen and their housework, as well as plan activities for their kids, I found some great motivation and ideas to implement. Thinking I was on the right track, I still didn't feel the JOY that I wanted to. I wanted to love being a wife and love being a mom. It is hard when the "feeling" of service just isn't their for your family. It is so easy as a mom to look at how others are doing and think that what they are doing will solve the void or loneliness that is felt within yourself. God has truly gifted me in a unique way that is specific to my family's needs. I realized that what my feelings come down to are those of exhaustion. Not of a physical exhaustion so much as those of emotional. An exhaustion that comes from trying life on my own. It was at church last Sunday that I was reminded once again of how my efforts as a mom and wife never should rely on my own efforts or strength, but rather on the greater strength I have been promised by the Lord. That when days are long and hard, I have a God who can carry me through. When I feel like the dinners aren't creative and the house is a disaster, God looks down and doesn't really care. When my husband is coming home late and I emotional feel like I can't handle another late night, God whispers that I am not alone. When my daughter chooses a time out for the fifth time in one hour, God can fill up the patience tank to get through time out number six (even 7, 8, and 9).
I know that I can be a better Wife and a better Mom, because I have a strong and better God! It is amazing how tapping in to His strength during little moments throughout the day can calm what could have been an emotional draining moment.
